All This And I Shouldn’t Even Be Here “a story of dark family secrets, psychological terror, and vengeance suicide” Devin Barber

ISBN:

Published: May 6th 2012

Kindle Edition

110 pages


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All This And I Shouldn’t Even Be Here “a story of dark family secrets, psychological terror, and vengeance suicide”  by  Devin Barber

All This And I Shouldn’t Even Be Here “a story of dark family secrets, psychological terror, and vengeance suicide” by Devin Barber
May 6th 2012 | Kindle Edition | PDF, EPUB, FB2, DjVu, AUDIO, mp3, ZIP | 110 pages | ISBN: | 5.14 Mb

This is the story of my life. Early in the book I describe my experience living in a black neighborhood until I was 5. How the 1960’s helped form my personality and turned me into a news and politics wonk. Most of the book is personal however. IMoreThis is the story of my life.

Early in the book I describe my experience living in a black neighborhood until I was 5. How the 1960’s helped form my personality and turned me into a news and politics wonk. Most of the book is personal however. I write about growing up with a violent and incestuous father who ended up in prison for his crimes. And how I nearly flushed my life away in the aftermath of his imprisonment through heroine use and exposing myself to the dark underbelly of that culture.And then despite my dedication to the idea of breaking the cycle of abuse and building a “normal” family of my own, I ended up married to a woman who was as physically and emotionally abusive as my father except Susan wasn’t a sexual deviant.

Unfortunately our legal system is designed around the idea that it is fathers who are abusive and ended up being such an obstacle it took many years before I could effect a divorce that would give sole custody of my kids to me.Although I tried being an open minded dad and later allowed visitation, I had to end it when my ex-wife’s boyfriend threatened to murder our 11 year old son. After that She wrote me a letter informing me that as an act of vengeance she was going to stop taking the medication that was preventing the cancer she had survived 8 years before from returning.

I had heard of vengeance suicide before, but suicide by cancer? To my utter surprise Susan went through with her plan and on Easter Sunday 2001 died from cancer.The aftermath of Susan’s act of vengeance was devastating to our children who were only 12, 13, and 16 at the time. What really was a shock though was my own emotional breakdown. My intellectual self knew better, but my emotional self couldn’t shake the idea I was somehow responsible for Susan‘s death. I separated from my second wife and hurt her terribly and pretty much emotionally abandoned the very kids I’d set out to save, mine.By this time in my life I had been medically retired from a 23 year career as a highway engineer and was looking for a new focus.

I found that focus when I started attending radio broadcast school. The mental discipline of going to school and having my second wife Jeannie take me back were instrumental in my comeback. But life wasn’t finished with us. I did go into the radio business but ended up becoming a stand up comedian. I also write science fiction and a weekly online political column but without any real measure of success.

And life keeps dealing my family low blow after low blow.In September 2004 my eldest daughter Candice fell from our deck and nearly snapped her right foot off. The surgeon said it was like trying to piece a jig saw puzzle together. The worst part was that it happened right before my eyes. Then in December Candice came down with what we thought was the flu, but turned out to be a particularly vicious form of Type One diabetes that nearly killed her.

And that same month my second wife Jeannie was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then just after her chemotherapy was finished Jeannie suffered a gall bladder attack that nearly killed her. Then after that she was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. What a year that was.Today I continue to work trying to make my endeavors of comedy and writing successful. To be honest the biggest reason for writing this book is the hope that it will be the breakout project I need to get my other stuff noticed. I’ve noticed that books about people who have lived the kind of life I have seem to be very popular.

So I decided that if satisfying the voyeuristic appetite of the reading public with my life story might get me noticed, then that’s what I’ll give them.



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